


Fast Learner

by purpleeyesandbowties



Category: EOS 10 (Podcast)
Genre: (literally for ak), First Kiss, M/M, i wrote this a while ago when i was feeling lonely, im not claiming its high literature i just want my boys to be soft and loving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-31 02:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10889502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleeyesandbowties/pseuds/purpleeyesandbowties
Summary: Akmazian has never been kissed. It doesn't really bother him, except that it does.





	Fast Learner

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this is the kind of stupid fluffy trash that my college librarian dumped on fanfic for being about, but hey. i'm having fun here.

It’s late—the kind of late that feels timeless. The kind of late that feels _safe_ , like anything said in those hours won’t be able to harm them come morning. The kind of late that encourages secrets to be told and traded and kept. The kind of late that strips away all your defenses and pretenses until all that’s left is you, exposed and honest and real.

It’s that kind of night, and Ryan is sitting in Akmazian’s cargo bay. There hadn’t been any disaster to bring him there. No favor one had to call in to the other. No reason at all, really, except Ryan had shown up around dinnertime with some takeout boxes and an uncertain smile. Akmazian answers with a far more confident smile and leads Ryan back to the shoddy makeshift nest that serves as his bedroom, up in a corner of a catwalk.

“It’s not much, but it’s home,” Akmazian says by way of apology for the tight quarters. At least the ragged blankets and pillows he’s managed to stockpile over the years are clean (or, well, clean enough). He sits down, gestures for Ryan to do the same. Ryan sits with his back against the metal wall opposite Akmazian and hands over one of the containers. The nook is small enough that their feet are almost touching without meaning to.

Which leads to now, hours later, when Ryan is still here and the conversation flows between easy as breathing. Akmazian can’t help but feel this is a combination of a date and a sleepover, as Ryan’s been settling into the blanket-nest for the past hour, hugging an extra pillow to his chest. He’s also pretty sure Ryan isn’t considering this either of those things, but he lets himself indulge for a moment anyway. 

The thing is, Akmazian hasn’t had much in the way of “normal” life experiences. As a child, his family moved around enough that making friends was hard and keeping them was even harder. Sleepovers and playdates were few and far between. 

His high school years were no better— he was an awkward teenager who spent all his free time either working or studying, and he never did manage to find time to have a relationship. Or even a date. A hookup. Anything. 

And that trend had continued when he joined the Alliance. He’d always been too busy to date or not interested in whoever wanted to date him. He just….never got around to it. And once the shit went down with the Alliance, his chances of having any kind of romantic encounters fell to zero.

And then he met Ryan, and his chances increased slightly. Only slightly, though, because as much as he wants Ryan, Ryan has made it pretty damn clear he doesn’t share that interest. But still, Ryan’s the first man he’s been interested in for actual, literal years. 

Whatever. He’s made his peace with it. It doesn’t bother him that he is thirty-six without any romantic encounters to speak of.

(Okay, it might bother him a little bit). 

Akmazian pulls himself back to the present, where Ryan is telling some story or another about his college days, some girlfriend he’d had. Akmazian smiles, trying to follow along, but Ryan must catch the look in his eye, because he presses his lips together.

“Sorry, it’s getting late. I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“No.” Akmazian says, waving a hand. “It’s not that. I just…got lost in thought for a second, darlin.” 

He winks, because he is a weak-willed man who hides his insecurities behind bravado and charm. “Or maybe I just got lost in those eyes of yours.”

True to form, Ryan rolls his eyes and scoffs softly. He’s used to Akmazian’s brazen flirting by now—occasionally, he even returns it—but Akmazian knows it’s nothing more than that.

A sudden smile crosses Ryan’s face and he looks down. It’s not his usual smile. It’s softer, private. Obviously not meant for Akmazian.

“Oh, now who’s lost in thought?” Akmazian teases. Ryan’s smile changes back to his normal one.

“Sorry. You just reminded me of someone,” he says vaguely. He doesn’t elaborate. Akmazian raises an eyebrow.

“Come on, now, darlin, you can’t just leave it like that.”

Ryan’s smile changes again—bittersweet this time. Akmazian frowns. Maybe this was one of those subjects he shouldn’t pry at. He’s about to apologize but Ryan starts talking before he can.

“Jac,” he says.

“Pardon?” Akmazian asks. 

“You remind me of Jac. He was my…well, boyfriend isn’t the right word, exactly, but let’s just say boyfriend. He was a lot like you—loud, dangerous, charming as hell. Sometimes you say something and I can almost hear it in his voice.”

For once, Akmazian is lost for words. “I, uh. I’m sorry?”

“Don’t be,” Ryan says. He looks wistful. He leans back against the wall of the ship, cradling the pillow tenderly in his arms. It’s not hard to see what—or who—he’s imagining in his mind’s eye. Akmazian expects to feel pangs of jealousy, but they’re strangely absent. All he can feel is warm fondness and curiosity.

“Tell me more,” he says instead.

“I miss him,” Ryan admits. “He was a charmer, that’s for sure. Always too cocky for his own good. He could talk his way out of anything. We weren’t together for long but I always thought…we’d be together forever.”

Ryan sighs, glancing over at Akmazian. “You ever feel that way about someone?”

_You,_ Akmazian’s mind traitorously whispers at him. He ignores it and says, “I don’t know. I’ve never been in a relationship.”

“You—wait, really?”

“Yes, really,” Akmazian says defensively. “The entire galaxy wants me dead, it’s not like I have that many options.”

“Sorry,” Ryan says. “It’s just….you seem like the kind of guy who has a ton of experience. You always act like you do.”

“I’ve always been a good actor,” Akmazian replies, trying to derail the conversation. Ryan’s obviously not having it, because he scoots closer to Akmazian.

“So, what? Never dated in high school? Academy? Are you more of a one-night-stand kind of guy?”

Akmazian pinches the bridge of his nose, willing the stubborn blush on his cheeks.

“No. I haven’t….” _God, this is embarrassing._ “I haven’t ever had—sex. Or anything like that.”

“Oh my god,” Ryan says. “Wait, you’ve at least had some experience, right? Like, kissing and stuff?”

Akmazian’s silence speaks volumes.

“Oh my god, _really?_ ”

For the first time tonight, it’s awkward between them. Akmazian knows he has nothing to be embarrassed about, but that doesn’t stop the hot flush creeping down his neck.

“I’m sorry,” Ryan says finally. “I’m not making fun of you, I promise. I just can’t believe no one—“ he rubs his neck, looking embarrassed himself. “You’re an attractive guy, you know? I don’t know, I would have figured that someone would have…” he trails off, looking redder than Akmazian felt.

Akmazian clears his throat awkwardly. “Yeah, well, no one did.” 

They’re quiet for a long time, then. Akmazian thinks back on the conversation. He’s learned to live with the ache of loneliness over the years. And yeah, maybe he’s had some nights that it hurts to sleep alone. Maybe he’s had some days where he can barely look other people in eye for fear of rejection he might find there. And yeah, maybe he’s dreamed of having someone to hold him.

 

They sit in silence for a long while, until Akmazian can’t stand it anymore. It might be a mistake to ask, but he’s already feeling vulnerable tonight, and he wants to know. So he asks.

“What’s it like?”

The words are quiet enough, spoken barely above a whisper, but they resound through the small room. Akmazian winces but refuses to look away.

Ryan’s eyebrows knit in confusion. “What’s what like?”

Aw, hell. This is already embarrassing enough. Might as well go all the way. Akmazian licks his lips, tries his best not to glance down at Ryan’s.

“What does it feel like to be with someone? To kiss them? Hold them?”

“Uh…” Ryan lets out a nervous little laugh, pushing a hand through his hair. “Honestly?” 

He doesn’t give Akmazian time to answer before he blows out a long breath. He sits up and leans against the wall again, lacing his fingers together under his chin.

“Uh. Okay, okay. It’s, uh, it’s nice. Really….nice. Feels like—I don’t know how to describe it, actually. It depends on the kiss. Some are really warm and soft, and some feel suffocating and some are…” Ryan swallows hard. Akmazian’s eyes follow the bob of his Adam’s apple and he swallows, too.

“Some are so good they hurt. Like you can’t get enough. Like if you ever stop kissing that person you’re going to die.”

He falls silent again. Akmazian nods in the semi-darkness, not even sure if Ryan can see him.

He’s almost about to change the subject, but Ryan takes a breath like he’s going to say something. Akmazian waits.

“I—” he cuts himself off. “Never mind. It was dumb, forget it.”

Akmazian looks up, something like hope bubbling up in his chest. “No, what?”

Ryan shakes his head. Akmazian can barely see the blush staining his cheeks in the low light of the cabin. Ryan shakes his head again, sighing a little. “It was stupid.”

Akmazian has always been pretty good at reading people. He’s pretty sure what Ryan was about to offer, and he wants it. But he can’t push Ryan on this, not if this is what he thinks it is. He holds his breath and hopes that Ryan is braver than he is.

As it turns out, Ryan is braver, because he says, “I was just thinking…..I could show you. If you want.”

“Yes,” Akmazian says, too quickly, probably. He makes himself pause before continuing. “I would like it if you showed me.”

And just like that, Ryan’s crawling towards him, until they’re face-to-face, close enough that Akmazian can make out the freckles sprayed across the bridge of Ryan’s nose.

Akmazian licks his lips, suddenly nervous. Ryan is just as nervous. Akmazian can see it in his eyes, can hear the slight hitch in his breathing. Akmazian has never been so close to Ryan before. He can see details of him he’s never seen before—the acne scars fading into the background, mostly covered by freckles. He can see that there’s flecks of bronze in his eyes. He can see that one of Ryan’s front teeth is a little chipped, and that his lips are chapped.

“Okay,” Ryan quietly says. “Okay, let’s do this.”

And still, he hesitates. Akmazian doesn’t move. The space between them is so small now. He doesn’t know what to focus on. Ryan’s breath is warm against his skin and he holds his own in anticipation. The moment stretches on, suspended in silence. And then Ryan’s lips land on Akmazian’s, soft and unsure and a little bit off center. He pulls back to readjust, a shy little smile breaking the contact. 

Akmazian’s breath catches in his throat. The press of lips against his had only lasted a second, maybe less, but he desperately wants it back again.

Ryan licks his lips and hesitates again. He looks like he’s trying to say something, but gives up. This time when he leans in, Akmazian meets him halfway. This time, Ryan’s mouth against his is a lot more confident. Warm breath, soft lips pressing firmly against his own. Akmazian holds still, letting Ryan take the lead. Ryan tilts his head a little, changing the angle, and the next kiss is _very_ different. It’s hot instead of warm, electrifying where the other two had been tingly. It’s exactly like Ryan said—he thinks if he stops kissing Ryan it might actually kill him. He can’t help the little sigh he lets out as he moves closer. Ryan seems to agree, because he shifts from his knees to sitting on the ground. His weight shifting throws off Akmazian’s balance and he ends up kneeling between Ryan’s legs, his hands landing on Ryan’s hips to hold the position. Ryan laughs against his lips, the vibration sending a buzz through Akmazian. He pulls away, smiling. Akmazian blinks dumbly back, slightly dazed.

“How was that?”

Akmazian clears his throat. It takes a second try to string words together. “It—I really liked it.”

“For having no experience, you’re pretty good at it,” Ryan says. Akmazian smiles and ducks his head.

“I’ve always been a fast learner.”

He kisses Ryan again and Ryan lets him. He lets Akmazian take the lead this time, letting Akmazian try different angles, different kisses. They kiss for a while longer, moments stretching on to infinity, until Akmazian is breathless and flushed. Ryan lets out a soft laugh.

“Yeah, fast learner,” he agrees. His nose crinkles a little when he grins at Akmazian and it’s so goddamn cute that Akmazian can’t help bumping his nose against Ryan’s.

“Maybe if you’re feelin’ up to it, you could teach me another thing or two?”

Ryan pretends to consider it for a moment, but the amused twist of his mouth tips Akmazian off long before Ryan says, “I don’t have plans for the rest of the night.”

Akmazian pauses. He’d continue on like this forever if Ryan let him but he—he doesn’t want to assume anything, doesn’t want to take more than what Ryan’s offering. It’s abundantly clear that he’s interested in Ryan. In a more-than-friends way. He would be okay if this is a one-time thing, just a night of physical connection and then back to the way it was. It might hurt like a bitch, but he’d be okay. But he knows he’ll always want this, now that he knows what it’s like.

Ryan reaches out and touches his cheek, bringing his attention back to him.

“You’re thinking too loud,” he says, sounding amused.

“Sorry, darlin’.”

“What’s on your mind?” Ryan asks softly. 

The air around them is warm, safe. Nothing he says here and now can hurt him in the morning.

“Us,” he admits.

“Me too,” Ryan says. “I like it. Us.”

“Good,” Akmazian agrees. “I like us, too.”

The space between them is safe; nothing they do or say here can hurt them. They trade kisses and words and touches and sighs. They fall asleep tangled up in each other. Ryan wakes him in the morning with a gentle kiss and Akmazian knows that for once, he’s safe.

**Author's Note:**

> im sadhipstercat!


End file.
